Maybe it's Supposed to be this Way.

Some think about the future and some reflect on the past. The boys and girls of summer they just dance and sex their way through the present that is never going to end. They'll be friends forever and the future has a killler bod.

By default I wind up in all of these places but I don't stay very long, more in the present than anywhere though, but that's just because I am busy. Most of the time I'm wondering how things come to be the way they are, who I am and what changes I can and cannot make on either. It wouldn't be too cynical to say that this could well be a full time job that never produces a product.

In the world I notice that the Government Information Office, also known as the National Media, has ceased to report American service deaths. I see the numbers keep rising but don't find the circumstances anywhere.

At BOTF I notice the usual troublemakers are gearing up for another session. You know who I mean. Things get a little slow for them, they're less a factor than they would like or maybe it's just pure cussedness; like the two vultures on the dead tree branch. the one says to the other, "screw all this waiting, I'm gonna go kill something."

It's like picking at a scab. some people can't help themselves. Then you note, "uh huh", there's a general testiness in the air any way; people are a little quick off the cuff, there's (to my mind) been 'some' misinterpretation of the motives of others too and a lot of bandwagon jumping. I only say this in passing so that you'll remember when it happens. Maybe it's a seasonal thing.

In any case, I've been wondering, about wars and lies and self-interest and selective memory and the worship of symbols and ideas to the tune of dreadful marching bands. I've been wondering about staged events and manipulated perspectives and organized subversive activities in static ubiquity (I just had to say that).

And maybe it's supposed to be this way. Maybe you are supposed to be cheering for death and going butt-up for people who couldn't carry your cellphone. Maybe you're supposed to be deluded, fucked over, kicked around, disappointed; culminating finally in 'old and tired'. Why I say this is because this is what I see and this is what I have seen.

Maybe trite is the Daily Special. Maybe disease is a Bingo. Maybe lung fogging smog and dirty water, grinding poundin' noise and a world full of strangers is your birthright; your destiny. Did you dial it up, or did you get it as a perk? That seems to be the only question. Observation shows that a majority work toward the achievement of the same, either directly or indirectly through tacit support.

Observation shows that a good portion of the world hates a good portion of the world. Observation shows human character on the highway, in the super market, at a rock concert or a ball game.

How many people work selflessly for the good of others? Let's not bring up family, that's an ego trip; whether you think so or not. It's just possession maintenance. I'm not saying you shouldn't, nor that family love is vain- but it's a good thing that family members aren't like house plants; there wouldn't be nearly as many of them.

Porno is king and romance is dead. Bad taste is prevailing taste. Anger crushes serenity. Weeds outnumber flowers, poverty far outweighs wealth, misery beats joy, suspicion clobbers trust... and lies?... lies unscrew Truth's head and dance on the wires.

People like Gandhi, King and Kennedy catch bullets and bush, kissinger, rockerfeller and rove just skate over the bodies of their victims, trash the world and laugh all the way to the bank. Would it be like this if it wasn't supposed to be like this?

Back in the late 19th century some illuminated thinker came up with The Gospel of Wealth. Basically it said the rich and the poor both deserved their state and that the rich were just better people and that God intended the relationship to be as it was.

Hitler, Mao and Stalin killed hundreds of millions of people. Prescott bush helped Hitler come to power and kill a lot of a certain group of people and today many of the same people support his progeny...but this isn't ironic and nobody cares. I wouldn't get all wound up about this last, it's a fact. I just point it out because it's only just one example- there are many. Today in Turkey you can learn that no one killed any great amount of Armenians. Today in Dafur thousands die while people talk over lunch. Rwanda? The Congo? What are those? Rock groups?

It appears I have missed the point all along. It's altogether possible that I am a 'drugged out hippie' as has been pointed out; even though I don't take drugs any more. My long term drugs; Love, Peace, Brotherhood... they've caused me just as much harm. I've worked all my life on forming a message through a variety of mediums, running the gamut from passionate outrage to the sublime and I'm just a marginalized eccentric. I've missed the point. I'd better get humping and sell my ass while it's still round. It's probably too late though. It may have always been too late, for me and everybody like me.

I should have gotten an education and become the lawyer I always get told I think like. I should have bought some suits and worked on a finer sense of disingenuity and veneer. I should have screamed for blood and negotiated the tough deals that left my opponents wishing they were dead. I should have done a lot of things instead of buying into a load of horseshit that no one wants to hear. I just couldn't believe it was supposed to be this way, but, apparently, it is.