Romancing God.

Across the Panavision screen of every yearning teenage boy’s life more than one beautiful girl will walk away un-approached into the distance. Into manhood and whatever pathetic after effects may follow, many a jaw-dropping woman will follow in their path, while the suitor remains mute, or distinguishes himself in a clown confusion of badly timed or alcoholically fueled embarrassments. Surely girls and women experience the same; of course, inspired Lochinvar’s and their female counterparts reel in the romantic swag in effortless fashion with nary a hitch in their stride.

There are many advantages that assist in the courtship; good looks, money, prowess of one sort or another. This is the world of visual worth. Sometimes it is real and sometimes it is crafted or assumed.

It’s an interesting fact that there are also singular souls who lack these assets and yet do as well or better than those superficially endowed. It’s the truth that most of the walking billboards and posturing icons aren’t worth the having except as articles of experience in the rite of passage; but that’s not germane to this polemic. It’s about getting what you believe to be unattainable.

You feel unworthy and insecure; failure is already developing as a predictable result. Lacking a sense of self and confident persona, the individual turns toward artifice and pretense to get to the goal. He begins to manufacture a self that will ‘seem’ worthy. Most every one of the defects in our character comes about through the need to impress other people with our importance. Many of the grievous injuries of life are perpetrated by the imposters we became.

It is amazing how often the confidence of real passion will gain the desired result. The ardor of the poet is a magic wand. It speaks to the soul of another and commands the positive response. I know this to be true. I’ve seen money and looks go wanting many a time in combat for the real thing. It’s to be assumed that vampires of both sexes have their allure but I’ve never been much entertained by them.

But this isn’t about getting laid or attaining some temporary orgasm that simulates a surrender you find yourself incapable of under ordinary circumstances. (Despite the defense mechanisms attendant, vulnerability is a highly desired item, whether you think you want it or not.) No, this is about having ultimate sex and bypassing the obstacles that you put in the way of it. Every sensory experience has it’s counterpart in an area of yourself where you no longer experience it. When you were a child it happened all the time. You had conversations you don’t remember and playmates you have long forgotten. They haven’t gone anywhere; when the magnetism turned outward into physical attractions of a sexual nature they were no longer visible.

Mystics have often compared encounters with the divine in romantic terms. It has been said that communion with God brings an ecstasy that mundane sexual congress cannot approach. Having experienced some degree of this I can say this is accurate. I can only guess at how far it can go. I’m pursuing the matter so I should hope I will find out.

Just as your lack of confidence in yourself kept you from talking to that beautiful girl or boy when you were young and man or woman when you were older; the same insecurity affects your relationship with the divine. It is certain that a lack of faith attends this; whether it be with yourself or with the divine. Essentially you are God but your perception of yourself goes lacking in terms of that which you don’t understand in the first place.

I’m not suggesting that these people who are beautiful in appearance are worth knowing to begin with; not if you consider their appearance as an indication of what lies within. And our idea of beauty changes as our capacity to see increases. I am suggesting that no one is more attractive than you are when you see yourself aright. God is not what your picture God to be, it is your wrong picturing that causes you to reject your image of God. God is playmate, lover and friend. Seen in this context God is humanized. You need to humanize God, at least as far as your relationship goes, if you want the relationship to be effective in any reciprocal way.

Telepathic invasion as a child is the chief difficulty most of us need to overcome. We got told lies by our parents, elders and environment. To believe a lie is to enslave yourself to an untruth. Daily you are lied to and in each case the intention is to diminish your self-worth. The whole industry of the world is fueled by applied guilt. This is what makes alcohol the legal fix. Nothing fuels guilt like alcohol. Judeo-Christian guilt turns the wheels of industry. When you can be made to hate yourself you can be made to buy in to the collective suffering you see all about you.

You have a right to consort with angels. You have a right to call God your friend; your lover. The situation you have put yourself in by buying into a lie has caused you to fraternize with the lower realms; to seek advice there. Their intentions are not you liberation. A purpose is served by these entities but it is not the function of wise avuncular guidance.

“It’s no use.” “I’m not good enough.” I’m not strong enough.” “It’s too much for me.” “I don’t want to stand out.” “If I make myself like everyone else my mask will protect me.” Uh, no... and it isn’t protecting ‘them’ either. It’s not pleasant having people point to you and say you’re crazy. No one enjoys being pecked to death by the chickens in the yard due to an unusual coloration. But you make a grave mistake by assuming that reaching for the highest means going without protection. It is only then when real protection becomes evident; regardless of the changes you have to go through on the way.

You can be all that you can be without joining the Army. The force of truth is akin to a light in the darkness. Shadows automatically withdraw. Self control and a correct direction masters environment. A correct sense of your place in the mix makes your position inviolate. Even my blind groping and regular mistakes have given me a measure of freedom that is largely unknown. I haven’t accomplished any of this under my own power. What I have done is sought to cooperate with the timeless directive. Inasmuch as I have been able to do this I have progressed.

Lying in my bed, sitting in the sunlight; at random times and remembering as I am able, I repeat, “I love you.”, over and over... Truly I mean it as well. I keep reaching; lack of balance and my own wrong impressions continually knock me back- but I persist. Consider this; there really isn’t anything else worth shooting for. It all crumbles to nothing. Having friends on the other side (I say ‘other side’ but it’s actually all here) ‘now’ means having friends on the other side when you actually do undress and reappear elsewhere. Better that you make those friends and lovers now.

Many secular and blind-eyed minds; many clever foxes and barking dogs will dispute all that I have to say here. I must ask, “Where is it that they lead you?” “To what end do they inspire?” Does Rupert Murdoch or any of the media and world leaders, entertainers and writers, psychologists, doctors or what have you, possess a schematic for your passage onward? Just what do they address in their words and actions? Faith is a currency. Love is a vehicle and a medium. It would be good to have something in your pocket and something to drive when you get wherever it is you are headed. You can’t put off the inevitable; all you achieve is a state of ongoing un-preparedness. Within this very moment you can call vast forces of good to your side. It’s understood you will have to appear to walk on your own more than you might like but at least you know where you’re headed and you won't actually be walking alone.